24.7.11

hands.

Idle hands are the Devils playground.
Tik-tok,
the clock, it taunts me.
I shouldnt be left alone with these thoughts.
Foul & vile.
The stench of my past sours my stomach.
My eyes are heavy, but i know sleep wont come.
I sit and pick the skin from my fingernails,
i pick till they are raw and bleed.
I watch the blood form and clot.
Silence can be deafening.
Its piercing, i want to scream.

9.2.11

CH-CH-CHANGES


SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN A RUT,
YOU JUST HAVE TO OPEN UP A PACKAGE OF BLEACH & A BOTTLE OF 40 VOL
AND JUST START MIXIN'.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??

6.2.11



the love of my life is sicky. her little lungs are swollen inwards due to pneumonia and a bile infection in her chest. the sounds of her heavy breaths and whimpering cries send tears to my eyes. if i could, i would trade places with her to spare her from whatever pain she is feeling. it breaks my heart to see her like this. any positive thoughts, energies, and prayers for my little lilah are gratefully appreciated by my family and myself.

25.1.11

dear hannah,

seeing sweet little lilah's face has made my bitter heart warm. <3




Love,
Kaitlyn

meet the love of my life. this little slice of heaven is lilah presley (yes, as in elvis). is she not the cutest little peanut you've ever seen?! i can't wait until she's grown up enough to can appreciate manipedis, shopping sprees on daddy's tab, and a delicious fruit tart from walter's in downtown claremont... so... in about 2 years. literally, i thought i was spoiled... but i didn't land a 21 year old sister who makes bank like this little one is lucky enough to have. surprisingly enough, i've already changed a couple of dirty diapers and i was the first person that she puked on... lucky me. when i held her for the first time, i cried. actual tears. which, for the past couple of years have not been happening. lame enough that i have a heart. awesome enough that it all belongs to this little princess.

21.1.11

YEILD.

IT KIND OF SUCKS WHEN YOU SET UP ALL OF THESE GOALS FOR YOURSELF, AND THEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WILL BE SPENDING ALL OF YOUR PAYCHECKS FOR THE NEXT FOUR PAY PERIODS ON PARKING TICKETS AND SPEEDING TICKETS. 


AND ONCE THAT'S DONE, YOU HAVE TO SPEND ALL OF YOUR MONEY ON REPAYING YOUR STUDENT LOANS.  TO A SCHOOL YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE.

WOO.  HOO.

-___-

17.1.11

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

"To see you naked is to recall the Earth"
-Federico Garcia Lorca





I'm In Love

"wine is constant proof that god loves us and loves to see us happy"
-benjamin franklin

back tracking a little, 4th of july weekend 2010, i was awakened at an ungodly hour from an all night adventure in san diego to attend a wine class for work. in the class, when i wasn't focused on my bagel and coffee, i listened to one of our alcohol reps discuss different types of wine and how to properly serve and taste. granted that we all left this class slightly buzzed, i feel like that window to this love affair was definitely opened.

for a while, i forgot about about that beautiful creature and carried on with my usual lovers. stella, don julio, goose, the captain... always so good to me. i felt as though i would never need anything else. and then, my mother and her husband invited chardonnay to dinner. she was soft and sweet. very polite and smooth. but, she left me wanting more. cue thanksgiving. there she was again. this time, we carried on together a bit more. she sent me into this feeling of comfort. i was falling in love.

before i knew it, it was a norm in my life. sangria, reisling, merlot, shiraz... they all loved me. and i loved them. so here i am, in this 4 month long relationship with vino. we spend nearly every evening together. whether it's on my shag carpet with the black keys, on a big bed with a boy in san diego, out to dinner with friends... i promise to never leave her. i'm thinking of proposing on valentine's day. i would love for you to make it to the wedding.

16.1.11

GIVE A LITTLE LISTEN

Fever Ray - "Keep the Streets Empty for Me"

Memory comes, when memorys old
I am never the first to know
following the stream up North
where do people like us float

There is room in my lap
for bruises, asses, hand claps
i will never disappear
for forever ill be here

Whispering
morning, keep the streets empty for me

I learned to not eat the snow
my fur is hot, my tongue is cold
on a bed of spider webs
i think about how to change myself

A lot of room in a one man tent
there's no room for innocence
take me home before the storm
velvet mites will keep us warm

Whispering
morning, keep the streets empty for me

uncover our heads and reveal our souls
we were hungry before we were born
uncover our heads and reveal our souls
we were hungry before we were born
uncover our heads and reveal our souls
we were hungry before we were born

15.1.11

YOU ARE BURNED INSIDE MY EYELIDS


A LITTLE FRIDAY-MORNING VISUAL STIMULATION FOR YOU.
GET THOSE WHEELS IN YOUR BEAUTIFUL MINDS TURNING.

14.1.11

WHO KILLED THE ROMANTICS

In my years of keeping journals, my writing style is in constant change. Depending on my mood, the weather or what, at the monent, has inspired me, each page is different and holds a contrasting emoition. Lately, i have been embracing the art of lyrical rap, and spoken word. One evening, after expanding my mind (via spliff) i sat down to listen to some "beats" a friend of mine had recently made. I let the rythm in, and this is what came out.

WHO KILLED THE ROMANTICS </3

Video killed the radio star,
but who killed the romantics?
Runnin and searchin for love,
we're so fuckin frantic.
Its tragic,
these antics.
"Romeo, oh, Romeo!"
Your maiden calls out your name,
but youre fucking the house nurse,
are all men the same?

Roses and chocolate.
small tokens of our love,
but slices and pill bottles
when push comes to shove.
We dot our I's with little red hearts,
love makes you vulnerable.
Come on girl, get smart.

There are sharks,
lurking in the depths,
waiting for this day.
The day when you stumble,
you become their pray.
So pray, i say, pray that you come back alive.
Its too late to swim,
SHUT UP and dive.

Drown in this euphoric ocean of peaches and cream,
you'll make your prince charming,
as charming as you need.
Need him to be,
NEED him to see...
youre a leach on the bottom of the ocean,
and he eats like a king.

So who killed the romantics?
Well, i guess it was me.
Like a bullet through my brain,
i finally went insane and strangled and tangled
all the love that lived.

Suffocated and choked,
ill like a cigarette,
and smoke.
Ill bask in this delight
that ive put out your light
and that all your roses are dead.
And you can tell this to your prince,
he's the horseman holding his head.

13.1.11

SPEAKERBOX


A FEW OF MY CURRENT FAVORITES, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

1. WHEN THEY FIGHT, THEY FIGHT - THE GENERATIONALISTS
2. YOUR WOMAN - WHITE TOWN
3. PENSANDO ENTI - DEVENDRA BANHART
4. STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU - STEELERS WHEEL
5. MEDDLE (EBOLA REMIX) - LITTLE BOOTS
6. SILVER SPRING - FLEETWOOD MAC
7. BABY IT'S YOU - SMITH
8. EVERLASTING LIGHT - THE BLACK KEYS
9. MAGGIE MAY - ROD STEWART 
10. I WILL SURVIVE - CAKE
11. I WANT YOU - SAVAGE GARDEN
12. NIGHT TRAIN - AMOS LEE
13. GLORIA - VAN MORRISON & THEM
14. SWEET EMOTION - AEROSMITH
15. BLAME IT ON YOUR HEART - PATTY LOVELESS
16. THE GIRL AND THE ROBOT - ROBYN & ROYKSOPP


IF YOU ASK ANY OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS, THEY WILL TELL YOU THAT MY IPOD HAS A SEVERE PERSONALITY DISORDER.  THERE'S HARDLY A GREAT SONG OUT THERE THAT I DON'T LOVE.  EVERY WEEK, I'VE GOT A NEW FAVORITE. 

9.1.11

"THREE THINGS CANNOT BE LONG HIDDEN, THE SUN, THE MOON, AND THE TRUTH."
-BUDDHA





PUT A LID ON THAT AND LET IT SIMMER FOR A WHILE.

Gear Crisis.

There are a few things that I really want to try to do this year.  I feel like I always have a million ideas and plans running through my head at any given time.  They all bounce and swirl and jumble around in my brain, making it hard to ever really focus on one thing.  Consequently, few (if any) ever come to fruition.  I love Hannah's lists, so I've decided to write a few down and make a list of my own.  I often find that something as simple as putting an idea to pen and paper (keyboard & screen) can be a ritual in itself.  When I put the effort into writing a goal down, I'm more likely to see it through to the end... in theory, at least.




So here it goes:
  1. Set a deadline for my new life-plan.  I need a realistic, tangible date.  Month, day, year.  Preferably, one within the next two years.
  2. I want to really delve into herbalism.  I want to start a small indoor herb garden.  I feel like literally digging my hands into some soil could help ground me, spiritually and mentally.  I want to plant seeds, care for them, watch them grow.  I want to make my own essential oils and incense from them.  I think it would be a really cool experience to be responsible for the growth of a living thing.  Also, I think it would give me more reason to spend time at home.  Which leads me to number 3...
  3. I need to spend more time with my family.  Being in love is as amazing as it is distracting.  I love my family, but I have been neglecting them a bit.  Not on purpose... I just haven't quite found the perfect balance between my two homes: My childhood home (my mom, my dad, my sister) and my Adult home (my boyfriend).  I can't live a balanced life if I'm not giving enough to the family that made me the person I am today.  I need to be a little more selfless (or, maybe a LOT more selfless) and pay attention to the needs of those I owe my life to
  4. Drink less coffee, more tea.  I recently read an article on this blog about the mystical and feminine properties of tea.  It's such a pretty idea... And on a practical note: tea doesn't stain the teeth the way coffee does.
  5. Keep at the Tarot.  I tend to lose interest in my hobbies after a short period of time.  I feel like I've missed out on a lot of good experiences because I get bored so quickly.  I really think I have a bit of a gift for the Tarot, and I would hate to waste a potential gift away just because I'm "bored."  And who knows... maybe it will lead to learning other forms of divination.
  6. Seriously start on this whole crystal wrapping/etsy venture.  I need to stop putting it off, get my materials together, and get business moving.  Mama needs a supplemental income, you dig?
  7. I want to wake up every morning feeling excited, and go to sleep every night feeling grateful.  I want to be an expert on mysticism, symbolism, and divination.  I want to be enchanted and appreciative of all that is around me.  I want to feel more connected to nature and the earth, the Goddess and God.  I want to appreciate every day, good or bad.  

Alright... now it's time to get my ass in gear.

5.1.11

Let's Play Doctor


Maroon 5's lead singer Adam Levine, 31, for Charity Everyman encouraging men to get checked for prostate and testicular cancer. Check out UK Cosmo's February issue for the ad campaign.

Call Me If You're Interested

feel more awake and focused and sometimes even feel euphoric

drowsiness, dizziness, problems with coordination, unusual behavior, memory problems

3 glasses of red wine

a high priced way of getting high

try a little more fucking and a little less eating

an increasing sense of energy and alertness, an extremely elevated mood, a feeling of supremacy

irritability, paranoia, restlessness, anxiety

the sex he slipped into my coffee

depression and anxiety, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, inability to feel pleasure, increased craving, physical symptoms including aches, pains, tremors, and chills

The Art Of Forgetting

little things, big things, there's always things that people want to forget. i hate being pissed off. all of that madness and drama gives me and ugly aura. and being a libra, i hate confrontation. so, naturally, which seems weird to others, i say "fuck it" and just forget about all of the bull shit. as lame as they may sound, i've compiled a little list of things that always help me to get rid of any thoughts about any asshole or universal faux pas that may hit me. but when reading this list, keep in mind that i'm not a normal human (i have no heart or tear ducts). if this list works for you, awesome. if not, seek therapy.

1. go outside: there's something about fresh air that makes me feel better. laying in the sand on the beach, hiking, sitting on a blanket in the grass... there's a weird calming sense that nature washes over me.

2. be a bitch: send back your coffee. tell that girl how hideous her top is. cut someone off on the freeway. it always feels good to let your mood out on someone else. granted, it's not always the best karma, there are way worse things that you could do.

3. get gone: get drunk, blazed, blown, fucked up beyond belief. it's simple. grab your friends, go out, turn your night into one big shit show, make mistakes, pass the fuck out, wake up in the morning, try to piece together the night over coffee and advil.

4. have sex: sex releases major endorphins, relieves stress, and boosts your self-esteem. if sex doesn't put you into a happy place where you can forget all about whatever shit is bothering you, you're doing it wrong.

5. climb on a high horse: think about all of the people who have it worse than you. one of my favorite boosts right on up there is seeing how much weight girls have gained since high school. then there's people (like those tricks on shows like the hills, teen mom, etc.) that you can look at and say "at least my life isn't THAT fucked up."

A-ha Moment

Do you ever have one of those amazing moments of realization??  A sudden instant of clarity?

I was washing my face this morning when an A-ha moment struck me like a bolt of lightening.  For the first time in my life, I realized my purpose.  The destiny that I am meant to create for myself finally became clear.  I rinsed the suds of my face as quickly as I could and rushed to tell my boyfriend the news.  I couldn't BBM my parents fast enough about it, either.  I can honestly say that I have never felt more confident about something in my life (although I will be keeping the exact details to myself for now, since it's still in the whole early-development stage).

The coolest part about all of this though, isn't just that I was able to reach that awesome epiphany, but how I was able to get to that point.

My life is really good right now (I have a good job that pays me well, a loving family, an amazing boyfriend), but I have been feeling a bit lost.  While most of the kids I went to high school with are graduating and going on to start their careers and embrace their talents, I'm still trying to figure out what it is I'm actually good at.  Let me rephrase that... I'm kind of good at a lot of things; I'm still trying to figure out what I'm GIFTED at.  My attempts to pursue these little things that I'm "okay" at always end in either boredom or disappointment.   A few days ago, I woke up one morning feeling more lost and sad about my future than ever.  I got out of bed and set up my alter and did a little impromptu ritual for clarity and guidance.  I poured all of my sadness, my frustration, my anger, my disappointment into it.  It was amazingly therapeutic and I felt like the weight of my discontent had been lifted off of my chest immediately.


So, with that moment of clarity this morning also came a moment of satisfaction: the realization that a ritual that I performed in perfect love and perfect trust was successful.


Such a beautiful thing.

4.1.11

Oh, hello.

A brief introduction to the three sisters who will be writing this blog:


Kaitlyn, Los Angeles
Gemini sun.  Scorpio moon.  Young age.  Old soul.  Mama Moon.  Papa Sun.  Tarot reader.  Trad crafter.  Los Angeles Lady.  Hollywood Hyna.  Pasadena Princess.  Moody, to a fault.



Hannah, Upland
Waiting tables and tending bar suck up most of my time. I live for music and the gorgeous bands and dj's who bring it to my life. Making mistakes gets me high


Jen, Portland/Seattle
Sincere, and empty. young, yet old, unsure, but grounded. I am a gemini, sour and sweet, the hero..and the villain.